In sickness and in health, till death do us part

There are nights I lie awake watching you sleep and I think to myself that my life is nothing without you. And with that thought, a deep sense of grief overwhelms me and I sob silently as you sleep. If there is one thing I have learnt these ten years together, it is not to take a single day for granted. All the joy and sorrow we have experienced have led me to understand that the only certainty in life is uncertainty.

So we celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this 6 September, I ask myself what our ten years mean to me.  

Ten years is
... living with your chronic, progressive, painful inflammatory rheumatic disease and learning to cope with the sneaky attacks that give you excruciating pain and cripple your everyday life.

Ten years is
... having your parents live with us because I know your sense of responsibility is so strong that you cannot bear to have them live on their own.

Ten years is
... supporting you through your days as a postgraduate student and being so happy when you were conferred the doctoral title that people thought I was the one with the PhD!

Ten years is
... laughing at my stupid jokes every.single.time.

Ten years is
... being angry with people who belittle me and swearing to get even! 

Ten years is
... having complete faith in me and trusting my intuition about people.

Ten years is
... shopping with me at kate spade so often that all the sales people know you and greet you with a big smile!

Ten years is
... waking earlier than me on Sundays to cook so that I can have a delicious meal the minute I wake.

Ten years is
... queuing with me into the wee hours just because I had promised to get a Hello Kitty doll for a good friend.

Ten years is
... taking leave to accompany me on my PhD residentials twice a year and doing all the cooking and washing because you want me to focus on my studies.

Ten years is
...deciding to document my life in England even though photography is not your interest so that you can share the photos with my parents and they can have a glimpse of my life as a PhD student.

Ten years is
... making the effort to spend time with my parents and arrange dinner dates with my siblings.

Ten years is
... pretending not to see how fat I have grown and telling me ever so often that I'm smart and beautiful.

Ten years is
... crying with me when I shared about our infertility with church friends.

Ten years is
... supporting my decision not to attend church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day because when our pastor asked all the mothers and fathers to stand, he makes me feel that we have the parts but not the goods and that cuts like a knife.

Ten years is
... going through the fertility treatment with me, learning to use needles and syringes and looking very sorry every time you give me an injection.

Ten years is
... agreeing to let me adopt a dog because you understand that our childlessness has left a big void in my heart.

Ten years is
... travelling for over an hour by bus and train from your work place to mine because you know that my work is a drag and seeing you after work is the highlight of my day.

Ten years is
... talking about our day face-to-face or via Skype every day for the last ten years because without that we cannot fall asleep.

Ten years is
... all the prayers, love and anger, hugs and kisses, laughter and tears, holding hands and heated quarrels, and more than words can say.

Ten years is you and me wrapped in happiness, joy and sorrow.
They are the best years of my life and I pray we have many, many more such blessed years together.

Happy anniversary, my dearest J! :) Every day, I thank God for you.

p.s. I love you to the moon and back.

37

I turned another year older a month back and wondered if my body clock is running out of time. There was a heightened sense of urgency and many a pensive thought.

J's present to me did cheer me up though. I'm carrying this tote on my trips to London and Lancaster this month. :) Love the words!

Happy 9th!

My wedding anniversary presents came early this year. :)



This pouch fits my iPad. I love the two women smokers. Please don't ask why. ;)






Can you guess what this is?



It's the Abstract Signature Bow Velvet Marga. The color, design and material - I LOVE it to bits!

Boutonnieres

I first noticed Kang Ji Hwan because of the boutonnieres he wore in the Korean drama 'Lie to Me'. I have never liked lapel pins but his boutonnieres look pretty!



So I asked J if he would consider wearing these. He surfed the Internet to see if these could be bought and to our horror, we discovered that one of these cost $28. In a spur of a moment, I told him he's not to buy them and that I will make them for him instead. I mean, it's just a flower cut out from a felt and some sewing right? Uh, how hard can it be?? *panic sets in*

Turns out it really wasn't too difficult. Thank God!



The eventual product. Not too shabby, yeah? :) I'm quite pleased. *beam*

J has an overseas conference in September. These should go well with his black business suit. I chose blue because J will probably wear his suit jacket with jeans. Maroon because he likes that colour.



Black button sewn at the back to match the colour of his jacket.



Oops, the colour is a little off here. His jacket is black and the flower a royal blue.



Kang Ji Hwan's boutonnieres get really fanciful but I don't think I will attempt to make these! Too complicated!



I love this one! Kinda reminds me of Hello Kitty's ribbon. I don't think many men can carry this off!

Pretty eh?

Embracing messy hair

I have always wanted to bun up my hair but never knew how. My former boss used to come to work with her hair all bunned up and looking pretty. And I would think, 'God, I want to look that stylish when I'm in my 50s!'

Anyway, I rediscovered Pinterest the other day and chanced upon the sock bun. Literally, it's hair rolled into a bun using a sock! Search for 'sock bun' on Youtube and you will find many clips that show you how to do the bun.



My first attempt wasn't very good. You can see part of the black sock!



Second attempt looks better, yeah?



There's a lot of hair sticking out all over. I think with some pins, I should be able to achieve a neater look. J thinks there's nothing wrong even without pinning those strands down. Maybe it's time I learn to embrace a little messiness. :)

Keep calm

For a month, J's spanking new phone was naked with no protection.



Today, he finally used the iPhone case I bought in Sheffield.

*beam*

They all fall apart

After 5 years, things in the house are starting to fail us. :(



The clock
We didn't even notice it at first. After all, the clock is working well. But the calendar, whatever you call it, oh how it refuses to move. We thought the batteries had died so we tried changing them. Didn't work even though we tried several brands of new batteries. It's kaput. :(



The sofa
Oh we love our air sofa! It's called 'trunk'. I know, it's so weird right? But after 5 years, I still remember its name. I love that there is no armrest so we can seat 4 comfortably. The back of the sofa can be raised so you get a nice neck/head rest.



But the other day, my in-laws told us that the synthetic leather had cracked and there is this ugly slit right in the middle of the sofa. Actually, we had been warned that leather is not a good choice for a sofa that is to sit in a room that gets a lot of the morning sun. But when I see something pretty, logic and common sense escape me. Now, I have to pay a price for it. Boo hoo.

Desperation

I have fallen sick way too many times this year. The plan to fight the sick monster includes an ionizer, loads of vitamin C tablets and probiotic capsules. NO MORE MCs from now to December I pray!

Mother's Day

 

When it comes to expressing love and gratitude for mom, where does one even start?

April

came and went and boy am I glad!

The month saw me busy right from the start. Deadlines were impossible but continued to stream in like nobody's business. At least once a week, I slept at 4 am on a work day. While I know many people who can survive on just a few hours of sleep regularly, I can't. I turn 36 in 2 days time but I still need at least 8 hours of sleep daily. 10 hours if possible!

Thanks to the crazy work schedule, my body took a beating and I fell terribly ill towards the end of April. Even on the 2 days I was on medical leave, I was pushed to produce 2 separate piece of work. No, it's not the cure to cancer but for some inexplicable reason, the papers were important to the people who set me the 24hour turnaround deadline.

The end results? 2 pieces of work produced, 2 trips to the clinic, 3 days of medical leave, 7 types of medicine and 1 pregnancy test.

The last was a shocker. Pregnant?! Are you kidding me? I haven't even the time to  sleep, much less get pregnant. But the good doctor insisted on playing it safe. He thought it was weird that I was feeling so nauseated all the time and got even more worried when he found out that the last menstrual cycle was unusual. I told him it was probably a bad case of flu and gastritis but nope, the doctor was bent on me taking the test.

Of course, I am not pregnant. 

So there goes money down the drain.

But every cloud has a silver lining. J learnt how to cook porridge because the doctor had given strict instructions that I was not to eat oily or spicy food. I know porridge is  not really difficult to cook but considering how he never has to cook it till today, I'd say he did a pretty good job!

Oh and did I mention that I bought a happycall pan for J? He saw the TV ad and decided he'd like to experiment with the pan. I'm happy to eat whatever he cooks with it, as long as I don't have to do any work in the kitchen!

pin buttons

kate spade pin button, FOC


TMD pin button, $2 from Books Actually

Blurry pics

What I do on most days ...



Bear my fangs Yawn.

How I feel on most days ...



Bored.

The exception

On a very rare occasion, a cute little girl allowed me to hold her hand. *beam*

I say rare because little people don't like me and much less want to hold my hand. I think they sense my fear uncertainty towards them and tend to gravitate towards J who has greater self-assurance when it comes to kids. That plus he exudes more warmth towards them.

Me? I don't really understand them at the pre-speech phase. I don't know their needs and leave them frustrated. If I have to play with them, I want to play fair and not let them win all the time. Apparently, that's not how they perceive play with adults. :P

Breakfast without you

sucks.



In so many ways, on so many levels, I miss you.
I miss going to work with you.
I miss our meals together at the university.
I miss being at work knowing your office is just a block away from mine.
I miss picking up the phone, dialing your extension, and hearing your voice.
I miss going home from work at unearthly hours together with you.
I miss bumping into you in the library, at the cafe, in the canteen by chance and the surge of happiness that follows.

I miss you.

My first Nakamichi!

This is all I can afford for now! :)

Since our dating days, J and I have been taken by Nakamichi speakers. We promised each other that one day, just one day, we will give our home a set of fantastic Nakamichi speakers and sound system!


But for now, I shall be contented with my iPod Nano and Nakamichi mini speaker! Hahaha! :)

My heart goes out to them

On one very cold wintery night in Taiwan, we saw these dogs bundled in thick clothings, raising funds for a cause - Homeless dogs who need food and shelter to survive the cold winter.



Look at those sad eyes. :(



This darling has only 3 legs. He lost 1 in a car accident. :(



All 3 were cruelly abandoned. :(



The dogs were really sweet and did not resist human contact despite being mistreated by human beings in the past. I was so busy stroking them and taking photographs that I forgot to put money into the kitty. Luckily J remembered. :)

Blessed is the teacher who is loved

My favourite guests every Chinese New Year!

These gorgeous people who make an effort to visit me every Chinese New Year turn 22 this year. I taught them when they were 11, 12 year olds. Time really flies. I mean one of them is already married! I have nothing but good wishes for them. In my heart, they will always be my lovely 12 year olds.

Hong Kong #5

Dug up these 2 photos from my computer.



Days leading up to Christmas, the malls are completely packed. We love the buzz and managed to do some shopping.



I miss Hong Kong. If only we can spend Lunar New Year there. :)

Happy New Year?

It's taken me a while to blog about the arrival of 2012 because I can't think of what's possibly happy about this new year. Yes, I'm all dreary, bleak and pessimistic this 2012. Boo hoo.

But I guess there's always a silver lining no matter how dark the days ahead look. I got myself a moleskine diary for half the price. :) Well, considering it was already the 6th day of January 2012 when I chanced upon it and the store had piles of planners in stock, 50% discount is no surprise.



I told J that these days, going to work in the morning feels like booking in to the army camp by 2359.

Ever the optimist, he tells me that the worst will be over in 3 months then. Because it's the initial 3-month BMT that sucks, life just gets better after that. Wow! I'm so encouraged. :P

So hang in there I will. Meanwhile, let's pray I'd find some bureaucratic blood in me so I can survive my 'BMT'. :)